Well, back in the day (Last Tuesday, for those of you who care), I was a private.
Actually, I hadn't even meant to join the army. I was planning to commune with nature for a few days and I drove out to Camp Pendleton and signed in, hoping to do a little camping. Little did I know then that Camp Pendleton was a Marine Core base. Oops.
I was a private for about three months before they upgraded me to sergeant and then I got to train as an officer. First I had to take a test.
We don't want no stupid officers, the captain told me,
so you gotta take this test. Now then, what's this? A rifle.
Right! Now this? A compass.
Correct. Now this next test is to test your worthless knowledge about sissy non-military stuff. What's this? Soap.
Right! How about this? A Citizen 200GZ dot-matrix printer.
What?"Erm. . .a piece of a computer?
Right. You're an officer. What rank do you want? Umm. . .General?
That's unusual. Most people want something more specific. But, if you really want that title...