Well, back in the day (Last Tuesday, for those of you who care), I was a private.
Actually, I hadn't even meant to join the army. I was planning to commune with nature for a few days and I drove out to Camp Pendleton and signed in, hoping to do a little camping. Little did I know then that Camp Pendleton was a Marine Core base. Oops.
I was a private for about three months before they upgraded me to sergeant and then I got to train as an officer. First I had to take a test. We don't want no stupid officers,
the captain told me, so you gotta take this test. Now then, what's this?
A rifle. Right! Now this?
A compass. Correct. Now this next test is to test your worthless knowledge about sissy non-military stuff. What's this?
Soap. Right! How about this?
A Citizen 200GZ dot-matrix printer. What?
"Erm. . .a piece of a computer? Right. You're an officer. What rank do you want?
Umm. . .General? That's unusual. Most people want something more specific. But, if you really want that title...