My favourite poet is Gavin G. Gunhold. I certainly haven't achieved his state of excellency, but I do dabble on occasion. Usually as a joke.

I have many more than just what are listed here. Over time, hopefully I'll stumble across them and update this list.


Some years back (probably in 1999), Memolink offered me 100 points for entering Poetry.com's poetry contest. I wrote and submitted 'Cheese'. As with all submissions to that contest, this poem 'won', and would be published in a very overpriced book of winning poems, which I could purchase for a lot of money. I didn't, of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people did. I'm a published poet, and don't you forget it!

Cheese, oh cheese! You rock!
Cheese is good and great,
Something to celebrate!
So much do I like cheese,
it makes me weak in the knees.

It's not like cardboard, it's not like wood,
It tastes just like it should.
Like cheese.


Another Poetry.com, probably for another 100 points. I don't reall receiving a letter telling me this won. I guess they realised I wasnt going to be falling for it.

Gorns are green,
with eyes like fire;
I don't know what they mean,
there language causes me to tire.
They're big and strength high,
it's very annoying.
One tried to make me die.
At least this episode wasn't boring!

For those not in the know, the Gorn were a lizard-like alien race from Star Trek.


On Sepember 4, 2005, I submitted this poem to Poetry.com, just for the heck of it. Sadly, they removed it from the site within three days.

I built a submarine.
It sank like a dead marine,
weighed down by a bullet-proof vest.
Now it rests in auquamatine,
water that smells like turpentine.
Not on this side of the lake, but the west.

Originally posted on the w/e forum on eCritters.

Owls and cows

I was in a poetry mood while posting on eCritters.

There once was an owl named Ted,
Who liked to stand on his head.
He prudently stopped one day when the queen visited.
The queen said 'good move'.
And they both climbed into bed.

I then followed up with another:

Catacombs aside,
I've never died.
I can find things that rhyme,
But few that make any sense.

Originally posted on the w/e forum on eCritters.


This poem is wizbang fun because it's a game at the same time. All lines save the last are connected to dandelions or the word 'Dandelion'. Try to figue out the connections. (You'll need Google, most likely. I did, both when coming up with the poem and now as I try to explain the connections below.)

Calvin is Spock.
He uses Smalltalk
To get a flowered frock
From an aborted punk rock.
Always wear socks.
(Locke's argument's ad hoc.)


  1. There's a series of childrens' scifi books by Gene Deweese, starting with Black Suits from Space. One character in the series is a catlike alien named Dandelion (and in fact, one book in the series is titled The Dandelion Caper). Calvin ins the main character throughout the series, and is highly logical. His friend refers to him as 'Mr. Spock'.
  2. Dandelion is a generic Smalltalk code analysis/output framework.
  3. Dandelions are flowers. Okay, that one was easy.
  4. Dandelion Abortion was a punk rock band.
  5. I'm not sure.
  6. I'm not sure.

Originally posted on the w/e forum on eCritters.


Another connection poem (and actually from a few minutes before 'Dandelion'), but this one actually provided links explaining the lines. (The tool link is now unhelpful, but it was what it says it was.)

Ebenezer was made of helpful stones,
And father of Arabel Jones.
He's a tool for domain renters,
And as Howard inspired EPCOT Center.
He was a Learned Brigadier General,
And in Dickens, was premenstrual.

Originally posted on the w/e forum on eCritters.


They came to pillage.
To pillage the village.
Most were Phil's age.
And they made some killage.
They burnt the grain at the millage,
The grass on the hillage,
The seeds in the tillage,
And then gave us the billage.

Originally posted on the w/e forum on eCritters, where I happened across a fourteen-year-old who didn't even remember who Shakespeare was at first. Asked a similar question of Mozart later.

The Alphabet's a Poem

The alphabet's a playground was a fun game I first partiipated in on Everything 2. The Alphabet's a Playground is something I came up with later. It could be done themed, of course, but we didn't bother.

Angels dance on heads of pins.
But their feet never get bloody.
Could you do that, Mr. Binns?
Duh! I'm a ghost, with a pin-proof body!

Everyone play, but don't be too greedy.
For letters are quite sparce.
Give two or four lines, all seedy.
Hopefully we'll get a nice verse.

I'm still waiting for others.
Jumping up and down in anticipation.
Kangaroos and their mothers,
Look to me for inspiration.

At that point, others finally started joining in. For copyright reasons, I'll just link to the original topic where you can read the entire thing.